For several nights now I have awoken in the middle of the night
with something to share with a friend. In the morning it does not flow.
So I have checked this out, and once again, seen this.
Consciously or unconsciously, when someone does not want to hear –
they won’t/don’t. They may look as though they genuinely do –
but they don’t let it in to the level where connection,
and thus major change can happen.
When someone is genuinely and unconditionally open (very rare)
they draw to themselves the gentle reminders they need in order to evolve.
When someone is not open they still draw to them what they need,
but the incidences are not so gentle – and they get less gentle over time.
So how come someone does not want to let in what they need to hear?
Two main things. One has to do with childhood survival.
When the child was being ordered to do something it did not want to do
it developed a strategy of not letting in what was being told.
The resistance can be directed outwards, or more subtly,
just look as though there is an agreement. Either way, nothing gets in.
Second thing – change. Humans hate change –
especially when it is unpredictable.
We want to be more happy, but on our terms. And our terms are based
on what we want – not what we may need.
So how to tell a person they are not letting in what you say,
when they will not let in that you are telling them they are letting in
what you are saying! Tiddly Pom.
And we find all sorts of support for not letting in what we need to hear.
There are hundreds of Sufi and Zen stories based on this.
Therapists and teachers often use the argument that they must be right
because they have lots of followers, and their clients/students tell them
how wonderful and insightful they are.
All a matter of depth and degree.
Whatever we say, we share who we are – not what we say,
and when someone is not living at depth – they are not so threatening –
so get lots of approval from people who do not want to face that level
And what is that level? – same old thing – death to what is called
*The Self.* In fact, death to the one who longer knows who it is who is
dying to the self.
So check it out. If someone is attempting to share something with you
and you find your attention wandering, justifying, arguing, angry –
and find your body and energy contracted – you are avoiding
what you need to hear about your behaviour.
Another thing. If you ask how to change this is NO. Absolute NO!
Yes is – I am going to allow change to happen.
When the click has happened there is an expansion – like a mild explosion.
It is a realisation, and you know you are going to do whatever is needed
to wake up. You may ask how, but it is incidental – because you know
you are going to find a way anyhow.
So how? Don’t do the old things in the old way.
Be Here Now – to every gesture, word, thought.
And of course – don’t take it seriously.