Floating in a warm lake of gentle shifting.
I have talked about this before but this is in a different way.
It’s as though as there is a mild gentle mist of light around and the only clarity-
absolute clarity, crystal clarity, is the middle of that, where I am. And so that
was continuing for a while. There was some sort of reference; there is a mist
that has to do with the past and the future -and there was a clarity with the
present. But now that seems to be fading as well.
And then the only instrument I have got is the mind and the mind says, so if
there is no past and no future and you are not feeling the present, then what?
And I think that is where I am now. I was going to say, then what? But it is as
though as if there isn’t a ‘then’ either, or a what.
And there isn’t in way. There isn’t even a now, as we refer to now. It is as
though everything is melting and as I say melting – well that is one way of trying
to describe it but in another way everything is clearer and sharper then ever. I
can’t explain that. So I am coming back to a feeling of everything disappearing,
everything fading, everything dissolving…dissolving- including the one that is
experiencing the dissolving.
Everything is shifting and changing and moving and no longer being able to
say “it is that”, or “I am this” or “that is how I am feeling” or “that is what is
Not only that there isn’t a language to explain it but as though as if there isn’t
anything to explain. And it does fee new. It feels like -we will use the word
‘phase’ but of course a phase is something that comes and goes – and I don’t
know if it is going to go. Although my experience to now is that everything is
And then I suddenly felt a change of gear when I said that everything is
changing. It just got a little bit more practical then.
That has been my experience – the less I hold the more things evolve. And
when I say ‘evolve’, I don’t necessarily mean getting ‘better’. I mean getting
more refined, more sensitive or more…something I cant really explain.
So coming back to the practical in this for you …Just to say to you again,
don’t hold anything at all. Let it come and if it wants to go let it go. And I
am seeing again not even to identify, ‘what is it now?’
Because that Now has already gone. That is what I – I can’t say experiencing
– that is what I am in: A vast lake of change, of gentle shifting change, that has
no form, except what I dare to give it.
And I am giving everything less and less form in every way. Yes, a warm lake of
gentle shifting. Even to say ‘change‘ is too violent. It is not change. Shifting is
closer, morphing, flowing… and all the time not attempting to know.
Because attempting to know is like taking a photograph – and you got it stuck.
Nothing is stuck. Everything is movement. Everything. Including the one that
is registering the movement. And the more we want to be safe, secure and
predictable and sure and know, the more we do that, the more out of touch we
are with what could be happening. And I say ‘could be happening’, because I
don’t know whether it is or isn’t.
I just cant see anymore, cant identify….Often I say, I can’t find a word for it.
But it is not that I can’t find a word for it -I can’t find the ‘it’. I don’t know what it
is…It is something new.
Just Floating in that and not knowing and a sense of needing to have a certain
caution, alertness, awareness – on one level. And on another level everything is
-I was going to say ‘being taken care off’, but that is too gross.