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Love is unconditional.
If you love your partner you want them to be happy.
You want was is best for them and not necessarily what is best for you.
Transcript:
A large measure of upset on this planet is to do with relationships. And a lot of the upset is to do with when one person gets attracted to somebody else. The other person feels, and then we could put a whole list: betrayed, alone, unworthy… A whole series of things goes on in the mind.
Now, this is what I would like to try and explain, and it jumps out of the normal way of talking. It goes like this, you see.
We assume as human beings that we are the way we are and that’s it. This is the way we are, and this is the experience we have, this has to do with being a human being. Now, this isn’t true, absolutely not true. So, again as I often say, don’t believe me, don’t disbelieve me, don’t understand, just listen to this possibility. Just listen, because it’s very different from what you’ve been told.
Now, when I say to you, “What you’ve been told.” I mean a lot more than that. You haven’t just been told, your brain has been programmed. I’m going to explain that. When I say programmed, I mean, what you’ve been told over and over and over by your parents, by your teachers, by your politicians, by…. Everybody’s told you and your brain has been programmed to seeing things a certain way as though that is the way it is. We’ve been programmed that way.
Our brain is programmed to see, to experience, to believe. That’s it and it’s not so. There are instances of people that have been brought up in the jungle without parents, and they’re totally different people. But not only that, there are totally different people on this planet. If you go even to Nepal, you’ll find a totally different, now I know there are exceptions, but generally beautiful people.
Now, what do I mean by beautiful people? I mean gentle and present. Present. They’re here. When they look at you, they’re here, looking at you. Looking at you, and we don’t do that. When we look at somebody we’re actually looking at ourselves. We are interpreting this person via ourselves.
There are people in Africa. I’ve been there. Nobody ever cries. People get a bit sad. All the time they’re laughing and playing, because that’s the way they’ve been brought up. That is normal for them. And our normal is not that. Our normal is a lot of unhappiness.
Just go to the supermarket and watch the kids, crying, screaming, demanding. Mothers on overload, not knowing what to do, feeling desperate. But this isn’t basic humanity. This is the way we have programmed ourselves to be. These people in Africa, and so I’ve heard in South America as well, they haven’t been programmed that way, and they’re what we would say different people.
Now, they do have some, what we’ll call by our standards, ‘primitive ways of doing things’. The way they … they dress and paint themselves and dance and say that the world was created by…. I was just going to say [laughs], the world is created by somebody in the sky, but [laughs] of course, that’s exactly what we say here as well. The Christians say it, and the Moslems say it, and the Jews say it. And it’s laughable, once you have disconnected from the way your brain has been programmed.
So, back to the subject of relationships. We’ve been programmed that a relationship is like this, “Until death us do part.” And actually as soon as you say that word, [laughs] your death is there. You’re death to yourself. You are death to your truth. You are death to your freedom. And if you’re not free, you’re not happy. Because you’re constantly compromising, and compromising is a down rate, it’s a contraction, where you want to be free. We love it. … Freedom, … to do what we want, to say what we want, to be what we want, to be where we want to be, doing what we want. But it’s very, very rare, you know.
Now, I’m not talking New Age stuff, you know. I’m talking now about what science is starting to say about the brain. The brain does not function in the present as the present. The brain functions by taking the past and projecting it into a possible future. And that isn’t life.
As a natural being, human beings are so delightful. And every now and again you see them on the screen, or you meet one. Beautiful, lovely people, light, soft, playful, loving. That’s who we are. And on top of this, comes our conditioning about the way to be. And the way we’ve been taught to be, we cannot be. The people that told you the way to be are not happy. Also, they’re not the way they tell you to be.
Freedom. Freedom, but then we hit a basic energy in us to be safe and secure and predictable. We want to be safe. But you see, safe is actually very boring. Safe is, you know exactly what’s going to happen for the rest of your life. Of course, you don’t. But think how boring that is.
Just imagine if you were incredibly psychic and you knew exactly what was going to happen to you all the way through the day. What somebody was going to say, what you’re going to do, if an accident…. Just imagine that.
Life is not knowing. Life is living in the moment just as it is. And when we’re in a relationship that’s what we want. That’s the way we’ve been trained to be. This is what’s normal. This is what’s right. Safety, security, predictability, until death us do part.
But life isn’t like that. Life isn’t like that. Of course, Christians bring up examples of … of animals and birds that mate for life. But you see, naturalists are telling us that, “Yes they’re mate for life, but they’re also go off and be with a … other animals or the birds.” Our basic energy of life is freedom. But freedom is unpredictable, ’cause we don’t know.
Now, if our partner gets attracted to somebody else. Yes, shock, distress, upset! Suddenly in a way, our whole world falls apart, and that’s the way it is. But we don’t want it like that. Then we get upset, and we get upset about being upset, instead of saying, “Okay, I’m upset. I know what I want. Let’s be with what is.”
But often I hear, “But I love her or him.” No, no you don’t. No, you don’t. Love is unconditional. If you love your partner, you want them to be happy. And you want them to have what they want. It’s in your heart. In a way, they’re more important than you. You keep looking, what can I get them? What can do for them? You keep expressing your love. “Oh, you’re attracted to somebody else. I feel terrible about that, and I totally support you unconditionally to be who you are. I want you to live your truth. And I want me to live my truth. Otherwise, what are we doing? If we’re constantly compromising, we’re not happy. Let’s live our truth.”
Now, when I say “Let’s live our truth.” listen, it starts off with being truthful to yourself, because, you know, we’re not. We keep kidding ourselves about the way we want to be, instead of, “Stop! How am I? How am I feeling about this?” Feel it. Get your own truth and then take responsibility for how you feel. And share it with the other.
I’m going to come back again to the start. You see, you think, you are who you are. And you’re not. You are who you’ve been told to be. Who you’ve been programmed to be. Who you’ve been told is, what is right and wrong, and good, and bad, and benefit, and harm. That’s what you’ve been told.
And I know, I keep using this example. Not so long ago, you were told that the world was flat. Categorically, the world is flat. The planet is the center of the Universe. Everything.… You were told that and if you didn’t believe it, in some cases you got burned at the stake. And now we believe things now, and think that’s a.… No, it’s not! And the leading edge of science knows that now.
We don’t know. We don’t know. We keep going down and finding, not only are there trillions and billions of stars in the sky, there’re trillions and billions of beings inside us. All little people and they all have their own reality, their own life. Atoms and quarks and thises and thats. Life is nothing like we’ve been told at school. School is a programming to dumb you down.
Stop being dumb! Wake up! Live! Start having fun! Start … living … your … truth. And as I keep coming back, the truth is only, only in … each … moment. Now!
Of course, your mind doesn’t do it. There you are, you’ve gone to work and you keep thinking about, “Oh my beloved spent a night with someone else.” But … she’s not with somebody else, or he isn’t with somebody else at that moment. And even if they are, where are you? What’s your … reality … in this … very moment?
If ever you manage to get yourself disconnected from the process of the mind going past and future. If ever you manage to disconnect and drop into this moment. Everybody says roughly the same thing, people that have Satoris and near death experiences.
“This moment is delightful. It’s timeless. It’s perfect. And I’m always getting exactly what I need to be getting in order to expand and own who I really am as a human being: delight, naturally, unconditionally, loving and caring for everybody, every animal and everything.”
Once you’ve connected that, everything’s wonderful.