What a simple question, and what a vast subject. As with most things, it can be
approached on many levels.
Let’s start with the easier one.
” I’d like to add… some time ago you told me I put women down… would you
like to comment, please? Maybe I’m more ready to listen now.”
Over thousands of years men have assumed they are superior — to everybody
and everything. They still do. Most humans think they are superior to animals,
everybody and everything. Nothing is superior or inferior to anybody or anything
else. We are all part of the same source.
It can be said that some are more developed, but again, that is relative — most
animals have a more sensitive smell and hearing to us. Whenever we ‘look out’
we judge what we see by our own standards. The Chinese of old ( and probably
still do) saw Westerners as ‘Barbarians. ’ It is true that they invented almost every-
thing thousands of years before Westerners did, but they also invented most of the
world’s most awful tortures, and in our view were not ‘human’ and had no feelings.
We see things through our own standards and conditioning, and anything that is
not as we see as ‘right‘ we judge and think we are superior.
Men think themselves superior to women because they can do the things that men
do well, better than most women can do them — by men’s standards. Men see
things the way men see things. Men have developed their mind, so anyone who
has not, is inferior. Women are more intuitive — but that is not recognized by men
as equal. It doesn’t count — because men don’t count it.
Day to day, moment to moment, check your attitudes to women. How often do
you feel: superior, judgmental, frustrated, not understood, disturbed, angry.
The person in front of you has a right to be who ever they are — even if they are
a killer. This is not your planet. You are part of a large community, and most of
inhabitants do not have the same views as you do, and they have a right to theirs,
as you a right to yours.
It is true that there is an evolvement in consciousness and sensitivity, and as this
unfolds you will not be a person who knowingly harms others — but that does
not make you ‘better’ than others.
“We’ve been having some trouble about extra-relations lately. I wonder if you, in
your own experience have drawn some kind of limit in considering your partner’s
feelings when you get involved with someone.”
Please consider carefully. ‘Who’ is it that would ‘draw some kind of limit’?
What part of ‘you’. And who is this ‘you’?
“I do consider them, and it has felt right up to now… but I wonder if from a certain
point on, the partner needs to deal with his/her own feelings and you somehow with
being responsible for what you do and possible consequences of this. Do you feel,
for instance, that you could be blamed for “doing something to your partner” when
you get involved with someone?”
You already know the answer. You are almost certainly wanting the answer you want.
The answer you would like would be a safe one, predictable. That is not living. Life is
not safe and predictable. The answer is closer to your heart than your head and thus
not safe and predictable. You think you would like your freedom — but you are afraid
to take it. The answer you want is the answer you already have, but are not being
daring enough to accept and follow it.
Whenever you go to the mind for an answer you will get the computation of your
conditioning. Your mind is conditioned. You may think that whatever you think is ‘it’,
but it is not, it is just a computation of what has been put in there.
If you ask the above question to an orthodox Muslim, Christian or Jew, you know
the answer you will get. And, you will get a different answer from whomever you ask.
We are all different — depending mostly on our conditioning, and genes. It is very, very
are to find someone who has become conscious of these influences and thus has
gone beyond them.
The driving force of our energy is reproduction. On one level that is what it is all about.
That is what everything is about. For the maximum potential of reproduction it is desirable
to have a partner of the opposite sex that is the most suitable to combine with your genes
to produce the most optimum offspring — just for the time is takes to impregnate, and
bring the child to a certain level of development. Two to three years. If you want to do it
again then you need to look around once again for the most suitable partner. It can be the
same one, or it may be that things have changed and the same partner has not continued
to evolve as quickly as you have, or you not as quickly as they, so for optimum results you
will need someone else.
Unless you have gone beyond these influences — meaning you see them clearly for what
they are, then you are in a certain stage of development that, for your optimum
development, you need a certain experience.
Most people ‘need’ a partner. They do not feel ‘complete’ without one. Until we have
found our own ‘inner self’ we are not complete.
This is a good thing. On your own you do not see your patterns and behaviours clearly.
When you live with someone you get annoyed with them. The things about which you get
annoyed are the things about yourself you have not yet accepted. Best read that last part
again! The things you do not accept in others are the parts of yourself you are not
There are lots of other ‘reasons’ for living with someone. I am not going to go into
“But I wonder if from a certain point on, the partner needs to deal with his/her own
feelings and you somehow with being responsible for what you do and possible
consequences of this.”
If you ask the question, the answer will come from the mind. Somewhere, you know
already. If you are not directly in contact with the answer, either your intuitive channel is
rusty through not being used regularly, or you do not want to know the answer. In any
case, your mind, your neurosis will decide what you will hear.
Everything, everybody is evolving, and we have a ‘choice’ of the slow or the fast lane —
and all the lanes in between. In this process of evolving we need to experience everything
there is to experience. One of the major ones, if not the major one, is possessiveness,
what we call jealousy. Jealousy is a cocktail of experiences and emotions. I have written
about this before.
We are all interconnected. Everything we do, or don’t do, affects everybody and everything
else. The butterfly flaps its wings and everything is effected. The thing is, what is the
maximum potential of each situation. We don’t know. Nobody knows. The issues are so
widespread and interconnected there is no way of knowing. And there is a way of sensing.
We will call knowing, the head, sensing the intuition. On an intuitive level we all know,
everything, all the time. That is the place psychics come from. It is beyond time and space.
You cannot, cannot, ‘hurt’ anyone this way. What you do is what you do. What they do
with it is what they do with it. If you are attracted to another, and with all your available
consciousness investigate what you feel would like to happen, this your/their everybody’s
As we grow up our brain gets hard-wired. If anything does not comply with this hard-wiring
we feel threatened, and we do everything we can to get ‘our way. ’ We get angry. We get
sorry for ourselves. We get helpless, hopeless. It is all a form of control — to get ‘our way
— the way that our hard-wiring is comfortable with. We hate change, unpredictability. We
want to be safe and secure — even although no such states exist.
Resistance to what is creates our pain. Notice how you feel around a ‘no’ person. ‘Walking
on egg shells. ’ And notice how lovely it is to be around a ‘yes’ person. You feel the love.
Of course we want what we want — and will do almost anything to get it. Look for where
that wanting comes from. And does it bring lasting satisfaction?
It is an endless subject. this is enough for now. Let me know if you have any specific