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Relationships are an opportunity to see yourself more clearly.
A dear friend of mine has just had a realization.
She has realized that relationships are not about relationships. There is another aspect to that. Nothing is about what we think it is about.
If you take a look at how everything is not working – everything isn’t working. Very, very rare do you find a person who is in a beautiful state – gentle, soft, loving, caring, light, playful – with no problems. How many people do you know like that?
Because all these things that are going on around about us are to help us to see ourselves more clearly. And when I say ourselves, the first thing we need to see is how patterned we are, how automatic we are, how programmed we are, how we’ve been set in childhood. And most people just carry out that programming until they die. Usually, at the moment they die, they have a realization. Their life passes before them and they suddenly see what they have missed. That saying “Shit, missed again”.
So you see, life isn’t about relationships, it includes it. It isn’t about making money, it isn’t about making a family, it isn’t about… all these things are props. They are there for you to help you see your programming more clearly, and when you see your programming more clearly: pop! You are out, and watching your program. You are free! It’s all over. Fear is gone – all the stresses and strains that you have been struggling with all your life, from birth, gone.
Not that there aren’t physical discomforts and other discomforts, but they’re all so minor, because you’ve seen. You have seen. Now, out of all these devices to help to see yourself more clearly, relationship is a really good one. Here is why.
You see, we are drawn, our basic instincts are drawn to produce children. Of course, with homosexuals there is something different there, the balance is different there, but even lots of homosexuals adopt children. It is about children, about reproduction. But with heterosexuals: drawn together. If somebody is single, or even in a relationship and doesn’t have a child, people question this: What’s wrong? Why not? We are drawn to this. That’s the instinctive part, that’s the animal part.
But in this drawing together, we get this excellent opportunity to see ourselves. The process usually goes like this: you see somebody to whom you are attracted, so what you do is you automatically go into your best behavior, matched to what you think will suit the other person. And if they are attracted to you, they do the same. They put on their best behavior that they think you will like. So these two artificial people start going out together.
If they start living together, they can’t keep it up – especially early in the morning. They can’t keep it up. So slowly down down down through the layers, to the basic behavior. So the two people that met no longer exist. Now we’ve got two people on their basic level. And they might be miles apart. They don’t fit – and yet, something has drawn them together.
This is what has drawn them together: the partner will help them to see the parts of themselves that they are not balanced with. So when the partner does something, and the other partner gets upset, the upset partner has this opportunity to see that part in themself, where they are not balanced.
All the other partner has done is trigger something in them; it’s nothing to do with the other partner. It’s triggered something, wonderful opportunity.
Unless, as usually happens, both partners are trying to make it work. Then it won’t work. Because you keep modifying either your own behavior, so you don’t upset your partner, or, usually, you are trying to modify your behavior of the behavior of the other, so they don’t upset you.
So you see the relationship is just the perfect situation for you to see yourself more clearly. Because it’s there so much of the time. You are living together, you are not escaping, or can’t escape. That’s relationships.
But you see, in a way every single moment of your life is doing the same thing, everything. Everything you hear on the news, or overhear at a cafe, or when you’re buying something, or walking down the street, you see a street person – something is been evoked in you. And that’s how I see this dimension we are living in. It’s a series of events to evoke things inside us – that are not yet balanced.
How do you know when it’s balanced? Well, there isn’t an actual description because nobody can explain it. We have terms like “The peace that passeth all understanding” – a sort of benevolent presence, a loving presence, an including presence, a non-judging presence. Still may be things there that are more liked then others, but never any judgment, never any againstness – it’s always for the other person – even if they robbed you, even if they are threatening you.
Of course there is the actual situation, but when you reached that place, that balance inside, you are also caring for the other person – caring for the other person. Then we can have a little shift.
And if you want to see this more clearly, go to Alan Steinfeld’s site: newrealities.com – and listen, listen over and over and over to his interview with Lynne McTaggart.
You see, there is something else. There is! Things aren’t just the way they’ve been told. There are things that we can’t explain, with our mind to our mind. There is no time, there is no space. But listen to this: there is no other. There is no other. It’s an illusion.
And I know that’s big. But you, you start to take responsibility for how you feel to act, what you feel to say, and what you think. Take responsibility for whatever it is that’s going on in you, is you! It’s been triggered by the outside, but what’s happening in you is entirely to do with you. Being angry or upset has nothing whatsoever to do with the other; except as a trip, to get somethings going in you. It’s all to do with you.
And when you start taking responsibility for that, not judging yourself, not blaming yourself, not trying to change yourself – just being with what is – your whole life will start to change. And when it does, you’ll find “Goodness, there is something else. Life is nothing like I’ve been told it is. I thought I was experiencing the way it is.”
It’s not like that. It’s much, much more – and so are you.