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Other people are usually not the way we want them to be.
Transcript:
Often when I’m working on the land, I remember something that somebody said, and up pops a reply. But I’ve got lazy these days, so I don’t bother to record it and writing is definitely fading.
But this popped up, when somebody said they were “disappointed in meeting this person because….” Now, the “because” doesn’t matter. This is what I want to try and share with you.
Everything is actually very, very simple. Everything! It’s so simple, it’s completely missed. You see, all our distress – should I say all or most? – probably all our distress is that things aren’t the way we want them to be. And therefore, we get distressed, and … we try and make them the way we want things to be … which is very confusing ’cause everybody’s doing the same, and they all want something different.
Now, where do we get this from? Maybe there’s karma. Maybe we come in with stuff. Let’s forget that. We get it from our upbringing whether we’re brought up with parents, or foster parents, or in an orphanage, or wherever we’re brought up, our brain is being programmed by the conditions in which we were living.
Now, the example I always use, because it’s so very, very obvious for me is, if you’re brought up a Christian, or a Muslim, or a Jew, or … a Buddhist, or, or, or … your brain is formed in a way that it sees things with a certain perspective … that it’s been programmed with.
And just to complicate things – let’s say, you were brought up in a Muslim family, it’s not only … that conditioning you get, but you’re against other Muslims who’ve got different conditioning, and the same with Christianity and Catholics, and Church of England and this…
Let’s put it this way. It’s a mess! We’re brought up in total mess and confusion about: what is right, what is wrong, good, bad, benefit, harm… And it’s all lies! It’s lies. If you go to the heart, if you can dig through all the … the jargon of the Buddhist … way of looking at things, if you dig right down to the very bottom, things are very simple. Extremely simple!
So, let’s get back to this person saying they were disappointed seeing this… Now, how come they’re disappointed? Because this person isn’t the way, they want them to be. And how do they want them to be? They want them to fit in to the conditioning – which I call neurosis – they were given as they were brought up. So, this person doesn’t fit. It doesn’t … pacify, soothe, feed, fix … the disturbance that’s inside.
If you look inside, most of the time you’re disturbed, unless you’re drunk or on drugs or you’ve just won some money … maybe having sex.
So … we’re disturbed inside and we keep looking on the outside … things to make us feel better. So let’s get down to something really simple. A person says, “I am upset because this person is or isn’t…” whatever. Now the antidote is: this person is the way they are. That’s a fact. A fact! This person … is … the way they are. However they got there, this is the way they are, and this is the way they’re choosing to live.
Now, the choice may not be conscious, but this is what they’re doing. And you want them to be different so that you feel better. Now, when I put it that way, isn’t that ridiculous? You want everybody else to be the way you want them to be so you can feel better. And everybody else is doing the same thing.
Let’s come back to where that all started. Each one of us has been conditioned in a certain way, and until we wake up … Listen! … Wake up! [snaps his fingers] … Suddenly, “Ahhh! … Right! … Everything is the way it is and that includes me! I’m still wanting people to be different. I’m doing that. And incidentally, it doesn’t work. I am who I am in each moment, and so is everyone else.” So, the difference is, “I want it to be different” rather than, “Oh, so this is the way they are now. Oh, so this is the way I am now.”
This … is … it … now. This … very … moment … Perfect! … if you’re here … now … with… the way it is … and it always is the way it is! … just being here.
And then something happens. It does. If you do Sa…Satori Group, many people have this experience. Jesus says, “There will be time no more.” People in the Satori Group often say, “Time stands still.”
Actually, time doesn’t stand still ’cause there’s no time. There’s no time. There’s only now. We create time through the illusion of our mind saying, the past. There is no past. There never was. It’s gone. And there won’t be, ever be a future. There … is … only now … Every moment!
And when we’re here with just the way it is … now. Now, that includes the other person behaving in a way that’s not comfortable to you. It includes you behaving in a way that’s not comfortable to you. It … in-cludes … everything: It includes that mind, it includes the judgements, it includes it.
They might be a handicap, but they’re not in the way. If you just say, “Yes. Yes, this is the way they are. Yes, this is the way I am. Yes, this is the way this moment is.”
Yes!