It takes a certain level of courage, presence, and honesty not to hold on
to the old.
I don’t think that is recognized, or understood very well.
We are programmed and the basis is competition. Right, right in our earliest childhood: competition. Everything is competition. I see the Olympics as one of the most ugly things on the planet. You look at the winners faces, specially, those in tennis as well: violence – most sports are violent, competitive.
And how come we need to be competitive? Well, we need to be better than someone else. And how come we need to become better than someone else? Because we haven’t got our own true value. We haven’t recognized ourselves, and not allowing ourselves to be ourselves. So we think we’ve got to be better. So we are always trying to be better, improve in some way, and we keep wanting. And the wanting is always based on the past, and the past is finished. It’s over; we’ve done it.
So we try to change things, and change, as I say, always comes from the past, it comes from something that is finished. Now not holding is totally different, but it takes a certain level of courage. Once you are on the other side, you see it wasn’t courage – it was just common sense. But when you are on this side it looks very courageous not to hold.
So you keep going to the same job, five or six days a week, and you know why it’s hell. You don’t want to be there. The competition, the mental fights that go on there – you don’t want to be there. And you hold it, and you hold it – and it’s damaging. It is damaging on many levels -not only with your happiness and with your emotions, it happens on the physical level as well. So not holding seems to need a certain courage. Don’t hold the old because if you are honest and present, present, you’ll see when a thing is finished. And if you don’t hold it, it’ll move on it’s own.
Let’s take a mundane situation, although to most people it isn’t mundane: relationships.
Your partner gets attracted to someone else. What usually happens: contraction, holding. And there is no expansion there to see how ridiculous it is to hold somebody that no longer wants to be with you, or wants somebody else in their life as well. That is not intelligent. It’s not gonna work because what you are trying to preserve doesn’t exist. This “loving state” that you are fantasizing you want doesn’t exist, and you know it doesn’t exist.
The intelligent thing is to encourage your partner to be themselves, to do what they want to do. And it might not even be wise for them, but it doesn’t matter. If they don’t have that experience, something will be contracted in them and something will be off in you.
Whereas, if you encourage, you may be upset but you are more free. Encouraging, not pushing, not making it happen. Just saying, “This is what seems to be happening, I will encourage what seems to be happening. For me, and for my partner, and for the person they are attracted to.”
What you see is, normally, you see yourself as an entity, your partner as an entity, and far in the distance the person they are attracted to as an entity – but it’s not. We are all one, we are all connected. There is just one frequency, one energy, that embraces all of us. And you can’t reject a part of that energy without unpleasant consequences.
So, not holding. Now, if you are not holding, you become part of the natural frequency. And in this natural frequency…As I keep saying: what you have, that needs and is appropriate to be in your life, will stay there. You don’t have to hold it; it will stay there. And anything that’s done it’s job, and is no longer appropriate, is trying to get away. It is trying to disperse and if you hold it, you are holding something that’s no longer appropriate for you. Not only no longer appropriate, it can be damaging.
Don’t hold it, and it will drift away on it’s own. And as it does, it makes more space for anything that’s more appropriate to drift into your life. One way of looking at it is: everything, in each moment, is perfect – absolutely perfect. All we need to do is recognize that this moment is perfect. And that doesn’t mean to say, that this perfection is going into the next moment, because the next moment will have a perfection of it’s own, and that might mean a change. But in this very moment, everything is always perfect. And all it needs is for us to recognize that – and to stop holding the old.
As I say, it’s not getting rid of it because you don’t know what you need and you don’t need. It’s not getting rid of it, it’s just not holding it. So, when it’s done it’s job, it can drift away on it’s own.
Courage is one description of allowing things to happen that need to happen – and another is vulnerability. Courage has one vibration, and vulnerability is closer to where we need to be: in each moment, vulnerable, soft and gentle. That doesn’t mean weak…and not knowing.
So getting a feeling that something needs to happen or to change, and acknowledging and realizing we don’t know the outcome to that. It just feels as though, as it is, is no longer appropriate – and we can’t see an outcome.
But it’s been vulnerable enough and that’s where some soft courage is appropriate to allow what seems to want to happen without knowing what will come out of that. And in my experience I always found that in this honesty, with the vulnerability, things just get better and better. I know often when you think, it can’t go better then this, if you don’t hold that, it does get better.